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Why the Grownups Shout

by Geoff Sanborn

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1.
Every once in a while I remember the song I sang you The first time that I saw you and held you in my arms It was “Hush little baby don’t say a word, Daddy’s going to buy you a mockingbird” And I meant it as a promise, and I meant it as a charm Because I know what can happen between a father and a child It’s called division, baby, it’s called splitting time, It’s called “See you Wednesday,” it’s called “Wave goodbye” Every night and every morn, some to misery are born And every morn and every night, some are born to sweet delight And I think you’re the last kind, and I think that I’m the first But I wouldn’t bet the farm on being right Because I know what can happen before you hold it in your hands It’s called division, baby, it’s called change of plans It’s called later maybe you will understand And I don’t know what it means when you look at me that way Are you thinking something? Is it sinking in? Are you wishing that this had never been?
2.
John, John, John, the dinner's on We're all hunched here waiting, we'll be waiting when you're gone And come you do and go you do and everyone is dead Kitchen knives and startled eyes and hammering in your head And I don't care very much, I don't care very much Oh my father, here is your child Oh my father, here is your child Oh my father, here is your child Take him from me Here is a baby, without breath Here there is a two-year-old boy struggling in his mess And here the boy is three years old and here the boy is four And here the room is empty and the stains have been scrubbed off the floor Stones, stones, stones along the hill Who is buried under them, well, only God can tell And it was all so long ago and no one wants to think Badly of the man who was and is and will be king.
3.
Lame Offers 04:17
Here comes lame offer number five How 'bout I drop you at home and do the shopping on my own? But something outside has got your eye I might as well just watch the road Here comes lame offer number nine Why don’t I get the stuff for teriyaki and pilaf? But you keep pushing the cart down the aisle Nothing I could say would be enough Couldn’t we . . . couldn’t we . . . Couldn’t we . . . I guess not. Couldn’t we . . . couldn’t we . . . Couldn’t we . . . I guess not. Here comes lame offer number twelve Why don’t you turn around and let me rub your shoulders down? But you just rub them by yourself And stare at the TV show you found Here comes lame offer twenty one Why don’t we give it a day or two before we decide what to do? But you say real slow, “We’re done”—and like I Hadn’t heard it the first time, “We’re through”
4.
You hugged me just a little bit longer than you usually do You smiled and looked in my eyes, and I looked in your eyes and smiled and thought, “Do I want to?” We can’t have everything that we hope for We can’t spend our whole lives alone But I keep waiting for someone’s sister, someone’s sister to be Drop dead gorgeous, a published poet, who votes the same way as me If this were a test you would be doing fine, but it’s not a test Somewhere there’s a button and either it is or it isn’t pressed I know I can’t have everything that I hope for I know I can’t spend my whole life alone But I keep waiting for someone’s sister, someone’s sister to be A great musician who don’t like shopping and never turns on the TV I won’t have everything that I hope for I won’t spend my whole life alone But I’ll always be waiting for someone’s sister, someone’s sister to be A real good kisser who likes long car trips and reads herself to sleep
5.
Well it's not the time to tell the kids About what the grownups did But the mother cries and the father screams And the other man pitches his bottles into the street Do they think they're all asleep? Do they think that they can't hear? Or that they only hear what their minds can hold? Little pitchers overflow. But the kids they drink up every drop Every slap every kiss every curse every time that the clothes come off And the water is wine is piss is blood And it chokes them in their sleep and they taste it waking up Carrying around a book you can't read A face you can't see, a body you can't feel And it won't sink in, and it won't come out And this is why the grownups shout It won't sink in, and it won't come out And this is why the grownups shout
6.
Somewhere there's an air traffic controller bringing planes down like they're children that he's calling in for dinner, And on his way back home he whacks a bird with his headlight, only realizing later that he sped up when he saw her. In my town a mother is unloading a dishwasher, it's like music every morning to her girl who's back from college. The noise stops and the daughter lies there not wanting to get up. She only loves the mother that she doesn't have to deal with. If we can't be blamed, we must be innocent, Innocent as children in the snow Innocent as Christ in those Renaissance pictures Innocent as the pope. There's a guy outside the store I go to near my ex-wife's condo--oh no this won't turn into another song about the homeless, Those bodies beneath stinking blankets that we always walk around and feel maybe for just a second that we have betrayed them, No I wouldn't be that obvious, I just wanted to say, there was this guy who looked like Kurt Cobain, his hair, his eyes, his cardigan. I could see that what he wanted was the same thing that I wanted, to change into the body of a boy who can't be blamed. Stop the war, save the whales, don't let them drill in Alaska. All of those innocent caribou, all of those innocent protesters. If we can't be blamed, we must be innocent, Innocent as children asleep Innocent as friends at an intervention Innocent as trees.
7.
In the sky over San Jose, hills like charcoal, like camel's hair Old man beside me, two tubes in his nose, closing his eyes, and he's mumbling a prayer Do you know where your child is? Do you know where your child is? I'm wondering what's next, but I'm not wondering hard The ground's coming up and it's glittering with cars In a lighted pool with glass on the bottom there's a girl who's too drunk to do anything but smile She needs a piano player for an audition. Planes with red lights like taxis in the sky. Do you know where your child is? Do you know where your child is? No one uses writers here anymore, they got cameras in the walls, people fucking on the floor. A mangled seal is stinking up the beach, the wind's too high to hear what anyone's saying, Six guys with baseball bats are trying to get our beer, the radio's in the fire, but it keeps on playing Do you know where your child is? Do you know where your child is? One thing leads to another but I don't know how Orphans breeding orphans, disappearing into crowds
8.
Sharp Edge 03:01
When the plane goes down, when Mars attacks, when the island blows sky-high, and rain turns into ash When love grows cold, and you do too, and sleep goes far away, and whiskey silence blooms. Then I see that what I crave is just a sharp edge somewhere. It's the German blimp, it's the cameraman, it's the aviator's view, the idiotic plan. It's Adolph Rupp, it's the middle school, it's the jackbooted United States, stupid, smug, and cruel That makes me feel that what I crave is just a sharp edge somewhere. Everytime I say goodbye I'm wondering if it's going to be the last time. Everytime I start a sentence I'm thinking about how it's going to end. When our nuclear dreams have all come true, when riches have turned to rags and people kill for food, We'll know God's in heaven and all's right with the world and we'll gather around and sing as the sky begins to burn. Because all it means by Judgment Day is just a sharp edge somewhere.
9.
D.O.A. 02:56
When all my love is gone, when nothing can ignite inside me, you come with your wet matches, and we stand face to face so sick at heart as you strike and you strike and you strike and you strike and you . . . D.O.A. . . . It isn't only you, I feel it in the crush of crowds, I feel it inside bars, in my car, in my kitchen, in the shower, at work, in the middle of the night, in the morning hour, D.O.A. . . . At night I touch my scars, and do you know the Eastwood movie? he paints the whole town red, and then he rides away and they cut to the grave and the name is his, he is three years dead, D. O. A. . . . .
10.
You won't be holding the door for her, you won't be touching her leg You won't be wondering if she hears a single thing you say You won't be taking the high road and she won't be finding the low, And you won't be sleeping beside her anymore Sooner or later your hatred of being cruel will be cruel Sooner or later the one you've been shielding will beg you to shoot God Almighty knows you don't want to be the one So call it a mercy killing, a mercy killing, and get it done You won't be kissing her goodbye, you won't be folding her clothes She won't be talking to you like you are someone who she barely knows You won't be locked behind your book and she won't be locked on the phone And you won't be sleeping beside her anymore Sooner or later your hatred of being cruel will be cruel . . . You won't be ten years younger, she won't be your bride And you won't be wondering where your bride went night after night after night You won't be with her in sickness and you won't be with her poor And you won't be sleeping beside her anymore Sooner or later your hatred of being cruel will be cruel . . .
11.
Fold It Up 03:15
Walk away and don't look back, Walk away and don't look back, Make a habit of losing track, Walk away and don't look back Give a little push and let it roll, Give a little push and let it roll, Start a family and then leave home Give a little push and let it roll Fold it up and put it away, Fold it up and put it away, The picture of the girl who wishes you would stay Fold it up and put it away
12.
It's just about the sex, and that's because the sex is making horses twitch inside my mind, there is no time And talking is like dreaming, and dreaming is like punching, and everything's arriving in disguise, there is no time Like now, like right now Every room's a car,, and every floor's a mattress, and everything we do is like a crime, there is no time And walking is like kissing, and kissing is like drinking, and this is like a psycho valentine, there is no time Like now, like right now It's almost like I know you, it's almost like I had you as a neighbor when we both were five, there is no time, And looking is like touching, and touching is like asking for something you just learned how to provide, there is no time Like now, like right now
13.
Come find me out behind the house that I don't live in, I haven't lived in it for years I'll wait for you outside your dorm in Ohio, I'll hold your place till you appear And I don't think it's an illusion, and I don't dream of total fusion This is my story, that is your story, listen to what they sound like now Come lie with me in the bed of my father, Come to the room where he will die, I'll lay my head on that place in your belly Where I can feel your father still alive And I don't think it's an illusion, and I don't dream of total fusion This is my father, that is your father, what could they be thinking now? Come meet me out on the grass in your new dress, With everyone we know watching from chairs And underneath the sky that ruins everything beneath it, Let's say the best things human beings say And I don't think it's an illusion, and I don't dream of total fusion This is my hand, that is your hand, look at what they're doing now
14.
Like A Song 03:18
I was a girl who had nothing but time, and I mean nothing I went to the city and started to fill up with something And now there isn't anything in sight that isn't bright with what I'm feeling, People on the street make me complete and every barroom is a stage Just lifting up my arms makes me feel like everything is starting over And it's like a song, it's like a song, it's like a song, it's like a song I went to work, met a man, had a girl, bought an apartment I started to hear where the tune would go next, and what the words meant And now a neighbor from the elevator's coming to my kitchen for some coffee, Someone's talking to me half asleep in the middle of the night, Someone's looking at me like she knows me and she needs me and she loves me And it's like a song, it's like a song, it's like a song, it's like a song I'm no judge but it sounds like what I heard in Indiana Underneath the covers, whispering to myself, "I am gonna be the queen of Rome and the princess of Chicago I am gonna have the biggest parties that the world has ever seen I am gonna meet a knight who takes my hand and lifts me up behind him, And it'll be like a song, it'll be like a song, it'll be like a song, it'll be like a song, it'll be like a song"
15.
I was thinking about how to break the news to you Cherry blossoms pink and green and black Richmond's bricked up like a Sunday morning I stripped the blossoms off and brought them back. Didn't you want my name? . . . Lonely like a studio in Davis Lonely like a house up in a tree Beer and Uncle Tupelo and light like rain Blossoms in my pocket you can't see. Didn't you want my name? . . . You cover it and cover it and cover it with paint And when it falls to pieces only colors will remain Didn't you want my name? . . .

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released October 15, 2014

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Geoff Sanborn Northampton, Massachusetts

B. 1965, bred in Maine, mystery to himself.

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